29 August 2017

Life Update - Breakdowns, weight gain, new beginnings.


I didn't know whether to write one of these posts, I'm never really sure if people are interested in the blogger or just the blog posts, but I decided to just go for it. 

I haven't done a life update in a few months, and a lot has changed since my last one.

I know life happens, shit happens, blah blah blah, but too much life happened to me in the past few months, but I'm going to try not to spend this whole post complaining.


First off, I wanted to take a little part of this blog post to clear some things up about some Twitter drama that has been going on for far too long.

Yes, I make headers. Yes I charge what I WANT too charge for them. Yes, I make them for free for people that cannot afford to buy them. 
It's pretty simple, if you have a problem, there is an unfollow button.


In my last life update post, I explained how I had been diagnosed with depression. I also explained that I wasn't quite ready to talk about it with the rest of the world, and I'm still not, but it did recently take a turn for the worst.
In the past 3/4 months, I have tried 4 different types of anti-depressants, 3 different types of anxiety medication, had 2 breakdowns, and very recently needed 3 weeks off work (I only went back to work on Wednesday last week).

In the past 3/4 months, I've learned that depression is an invisible illness, and it's hard for people to understand what they can't see. After all, seeing is believing right?
I've taught myself over these few months, that instead of getting mad when people say I 'seem fine', I take a deep breath, and try to educate them instead. I've learnt that when I have my 'bad days', it's okay to shut off from the world and just take some time for me. I've learnt not to feel guilty for something that is beyond my control.

I may eventually do a post on depression, my experience, etc. but right now, that's all anyone needs to know - and I've learnt that that's okay too.


Me and Dan also had to move out of our first home. That makes it my third move in the past 7 months. It was abrupt, and we weren't expecting it, and god it was so hard. But we did it, and now we live in the coziest flat ever, so in hindsight, it was a blessing in disguise.

I am still living in Leicester, which is still hard as I miss my family so much, but I'm trying. And hopefully this landlord may even let us have a dog!


Another thing I wanted to talk about in this life update post, is how hard I am finding blogging lately.
I know we all say not to focus on numbers, blog for yourself etc. But I do find it so hard not to compare myself and my blog to others, always thinking my photography could be better, my content needs to be better, I should engage more etc.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

What I've learned is that I should turn these feelings into motivation, and work on making my content and photos better, and to anyone that says it doesn't matter, well it does to me, and I'm pretty sure a hell of a lot of bloggers feel this way too.


That's kind of all I had to say in this post, at lot of crap has happened this past year, but I'm trying to focus on me, and my health, and putting myself first for a change.
I hope all of you are doing this too.

                          


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8 comments

  1. I quite like reading posts like this, it's nice to know more about the person behind the blog, I struggle with depression too and it's just impossible for me at times all I want to do is sit in my flat and watch pll and tbh the only thing I ever have motivation for is my blog. I used to live near leicester before I made a huge decision to move all the way to cornwall, I miss my family a lot too but things like Skype make it a little easier for me, If you ever need a chat or anything you can DM me, also ignore the twitter drama I think it's nice of you to offer free headers to people who can't afford them.
    Charlie | http://www.charlieswonderland.co.uk/

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  2. I love this post!! As Charlotte said, it's so nice to know about the person behind the blog and I'm glad you wrote this post for us to learn about you. I'm sorry you're suffering with depression and there's a light right at the end of the tunnel and i believe you'll find it sooner than you think! I wish you all the best ❤️ And feel free to ever message me x

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  3. You're doing so great - comparisons really are the worst but you're stronger than you think! Hope that things get better for you!

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  4. I love you, beautiful talented lass. You will get through all the hurdles girl. No problem. 💜💜💜

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  5. I'm so freaking proud of you and everything you do!!

    You take everything in your stride and overcome every bump in the road with all the sass and fabness✨

    Keep slaying girl����

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  6. I love reading how you are doing, so these life updates might be one of my favorites that bloggers right. I hope you are doing okay. I have also been diagnosed with both, and understand the struggle of trying different medications and seeing therapists and such. If you need someone to talk to, I am here love. I am so proud of you for coming back to work and being the strong person that you are. Sending you all the love and the positive vibes in the world. You deserve nothing but the best xxx

    Melina | www.ivefoundwaldo.com

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  7. I love reading post like this as you help other people who are going through depression. I don't know personally but my partner as a hidden mental health paranoid schizophrenia and people don't understand what he his going through.

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