Love List

29 August 2017

Life Update - Breakdowns, weight gain, new beginnings.

I didn't know whether to write one of these posts, I'm never really sure if people are interested in the blogger or just the blog posts, but I decided to just go for it. 

I haven't done a life update in a few months, and a lot has changed since my last one.

I know life happens, shit happens, blah blah blah, but too much life happened to me in the past few months, but I'm going to try not to spend this whole post complaining.

First off, I wanted to take a little part of this blog post to clear some things up about some Twitter drama that has been going on for far too long.

Yes, I make headers. Yes I charge what I WANT too charge for them. Yes, I make them for free for people that cannot afford to buy them. 
It's pretty simple, if you have a problem, there is an unfollow button.

In my last life update post, I explained how I had been diagnosed with depression. I also explained that I wasn't quite ready to talk about it with the rest of the world, and I'm still not, but it did recently take a turn for the worst.
In the past 3/4 months, I have tried 4 different types of anti-depressants, 3 different types of anxiety medication, had 2 breakdowns, and very recently needed 3 weeks off work (I only went back to work on Wednesday last week).

In the past 3/4 months, I've learned that depression is an invisible illness, and it's hard for people to understand what they can't see. After all, seeing is believing right?
I've taught myself over these few months, that instead of getting mad when people say I 'seem fine', I take a deep breath, and try to educate them instead. I've learnt that when I have my 'bad days', it's okay to shut off from the world and just take some time for me. I've learnt not to feel guilty for something that is beyond my control.

I may eventually do a post on depression, my experience, etc. but right now, that's all anyone needs to know - and I've learnt that that's okay too.

Me and Dan also had to move out of our first home. That makes it my third move in the past 7 months. It was abrupt, and we weren't expecting it, and god it was so hard. But we did it, and now we live in the coziest flat ever, so in hindsight, it was a blessing in disguise.

I am still living in Leicester, which is still hard as I miss my family so much, but I'm trying. And hopefully this landlord may even let us have a dog!

Another thing I wanted to talk about in this life update post, is how hard I am finding blogging lately.
I know we all say not to focus on numbers, blog for yourself etc. But I do find it so hard not to compare myself and my blog to others, always thinking my photography could be better, my content needs to be better, I should engage more etc.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

What I've learned is that I should turn these feelings into motivation, and work on making my content and photos better, and to anyone that says it doesn't matter, well it does to me, and I'm pretty sure a hell of a lot of bloggers feel this way too.

That's kind of all I had to say in this post, at lot of crap has happened this past year, but I'm trying to focus on me, and my health, and putting myself first for a change.
I hope all of you are doing this too.